PRIDE

After the surgery the doctor told us we were good to go for the second round if we were ready. Cycle regulation started at the end of May and everything was pretty much the same until the Gonal-F injecction. My first appointment (4 days after the first shot) showed that my body was not responding to the drug so they increased my dosage (200 i.u to 250 i.u). I asked the nurse what caused the change since I was responding well with 200 i.u last time. She simply said that I was older now (yes I was five months older). On day 12 they decided that it was time to trigger me (Tuesday) and we had the retrieval scheduled on Thursday (31st). They got 16 follicles out of my one ovary. Out of the 16, 13 were matured and 10 were fertilized. There were enough embryos to wait until day 5, which is today for the transfer. 

Since I got a lot of eggs out, they were worried that I might develop OHSS and prescribed me Dostinex to prevent it (FAIL!! Useless Dostinex!) The first two day after the retrieval I felt very uncomfrotable. My abdonem was VERY bloated and it hurt when we drove through potholes. There were two incidents that my right thumb area suddenly went dumb for a few minutes. My appetite has been good but unfortunately I can't eat too much. My stomach simply can't take it. No nausea or throwing up and no weight gain either. The only symtom I have is this big belly and the uncomfortableness it brings. I for sure didn't expereince this much uncomfortableness last time so although other symtoms were lacking, I was worried that I might have OHSS. I expressed my concern to the nurse on Sunday but there was no clear evidence that I was retaining water so we went ahead with the appointment. 

This morning when we arrived, the first thing they did was to do a bloodwork. We then went into the recovery room and waited for our embie report card. One nurse came in shortly after to give the bloodwrok result to the nurse in charge. I wasn't sure if it was mine but she then asked me if I took fluid this morning. In my head I was like "oh-oh" that can't be good (and I was right.) 

It was for sure a shorter wait this time cause the doctor came in fairly soon to give us an update on our embies. Out of the 10 only 1 embie stopeed grwoing and died. Others kept going. We were told that 4 of them were in good shape but the other 5 might not be freezable. So despite the amount of eggs I got out, I got the same results as last time - 4 usable embies. Two of them are top quality and the other two are okay. The doc was like it's really impressive how they all keep growing and that doesn't happen a lot, but in our heads we were like blah blah blah you still only have 4 usable embryos. We were gonna put two in this time but apparently the funding restricts the number of embryos you put in according to your age. If you are under 35 you can only put one embryo in at a time. If you fail three times THEN you can put two. (Thanks a lot OHIP, I only have 4 embryos so that really doens't help at all.) We discussed about the chances of me having OHSS since my bloodwork came back thicker than they expected. The doc decided to do an ultrasound to see if there was any free fluid in my pelvic and abdomical area. 

Unfortunately there was enough fluid built up there to raise a concern so they called off the transfer. The nurse in the operation room tried to comfort me and told me her friend's successful story -- she waited for 3 months for OHSS to completely clear out and got pregnant after that. I was like Holy F it takes 3 months to get rid of this stupid thing?! I was disappointed that we had to cancel but I definitely didn't expect another 3 months wait! Waiting is all we do since I suspected that there was something wrong with me!

(Timeline: Jan-Mar 2015 there is something wrong with me => Apr met family doc to get a referral => Jul finally got a call from the fertility clinic and did some exam => Aug talked to the doc and found out what was wrong) => Oct OHIP anounced new policy changes => Nov started the first cycle => Dec the 1st cycle failed => Jan 2016 follow up appointment and scheduled surgery for Apr => Apr sugery => Jun second cycle started => Jul 2016 OHSS and possibly another 3 months wait. SO FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!!!)

I checked with another nurse and she agreed that it might be a while before we try again but for different reasons. First to get rid of OHSS, and then doc will have to do a mock cycle to see if I need support from hormone drugs. On top of that they are all booked until September anyways. WOW. My 33 birthday is coming up and it takes time to brew up a baby and I WILL be fucking over 35 if I want a second child!!! Sok kept saying that in the grand scheme the wait was nothing but I was like you say that everytime but never think of the fact that all the waiting actually builds up and adds up to a significant amount of time!! Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Anyways, they froze the 4 embryos and God knows when they will be in my uterus. I was actually trying to convince the docs to do it anyways since the last time I didn't get prego anyways but EVERYONE (nurses and docs) was like nonono your embryo is so good that it for sure will attach and your OHSS will get really bad!! Yeah right, that is exactly what you told me last time and guess what? I DIDN'T get pregnant despite how great of a chance you guys told me I had and how awesome my embryos were. I know they have to be optimistic in front of patients but man that really bothers me! Stop giving us false hope! 50% is 50%! Don't make it sound like it's gonna be 80-90%!!!