PRIDE

Week 15: I've been VERY thirsty for the past few days and since I don't drink enough water during the day (these two weeks have been crazy at work because both C and J are away), I end up drinking a lot more at night, which is not fun. Have to pee after I fall asleep! The morning sickness seems to be going away but still occasionally come back and bite me here and there. I do feel hungry faster now. Even with breakfast with eggs and cheese I still get hungry around 10-10:30. Still not showing with clothes on, but the bump is there without clothes for sure. There is a clear line above my uetrus and I feel like I have middle age belly right above the baby bump. Baby seems to swim everywhere at daytime (midwife found it on the left side) but stay closer to the centre at night time when we use the doppler. 

Week 16: everything seems to be pretty normal now. Pregnancy still not visible with clothes on. The big appetite I'm wating for is sadly still not here! According to K I'll never get it but Charissa said it will come. Anyways I feel okay most of the time but sometimes still burps a lot after I eat and I can't seem to eat too much still. It seems like I can't have milk (at least in the morning). It's either slowing down the digesting process or bringing the morning sickness back. Baby doppler is returned and it feels weird cause I really can't do anything and it almost feels like there is nothing going on with my body (except for constipation). Catherine has been very enthusiastic and cheerful whenever she sees me. It's funny to think that the whole centre thought she was nuts and now she is just so nice and appreciative of everything. You really can't judge a book by its cover. Acne problems are rising, not sure if it's the constipation or I'm having a girl. Considering somehow the babies come in pack and all the same sex, last wave was all boys (EL, SD, JF, CE) so it would make this wave (HK, BM, me, K) all girls. No one is gonna find out the sex so I guess I would be the first one. 

week 17: Constipation started to get bad again. Other than that everything was normal. My nose was still stuffed and bloody. Finally started to show more. 

Week 18: Felt a hard spot on my belly and it hurt on day 4. I pressed it down and it went away in a minute. Same night I somehow started to panic. Probably because I haven't felt anything or my weight was not really going up that fast or I felt like my boobs were shrinking or I wasn't peeing that much. Anyways I panicked and didn't sleep well that night. Good thing is I had an appointment with the midwife the next day so that was reassuring. Blood pressure was normal and baby heartbeat was strong at around 150/min. On the same night (day 5 Feb 22) I felt a bubble!!! I felt it a couple of times that night. Not sure if it was me digesting or it was baby swimming around. Got pretty excited though!!

week 19: So my constipation is getting bad. The first time it happened it went away after I tried several warm water bath. I used coconut oil for my belly and this time when I felt really itchy and dry, I looked at my coconut oil thinking that might help -- and it did! I looked it up online and apparently coconut oil is great for treating hemorrhoids! (Apple cider vinegar too!) Scheduled an ultrasound at 19 week exact and got a disturbing results back. We were eager to find out the sex but the baby wouldn't cooperate at all. The room was warm and it wasn't comfortable to lie on my back to begin with. When the ultrasound technician asked me to jump and do som excersie to wake the baby up, I followed the instruction and got out of breath and sick. Despite of my effort, the baby was still sleeping and barely moving. Three days later midwife called me and told me they found a white spot on baby's heart so we had to go back to a hospital to get a level 2 ultrasound. She said there was nothing to worry about just a precuation but of course I had to go home and look it up online. Turned out it was a soft marker for Down Syndrome. We're going back almost two weeks later and heopfully everything will be okay...

Week 5 (also the bloodwork week): The day after my bloodwork I started to have nausea after I ate. It's funny cause the night before I was googling if it's common to feel nothing at week 5 and there I go! I'm not as tires as I thought I would be but I am indeed barely functioning in the morning. Usually I wake up after my lunch and am fine until I go to bed. I get full very easily now but still want to eat more. There were several times I almost puked because I ate too much...orz 

Week 7: Started to feel the real morning sickness!! I'm very gassy (burpy) and have started to feel nauseous. It's not too bad just occasionally. Energy level is alright. 

Week 8: Still not recovering from the cold I got during my placement. It's been like a month! Morning sickness is getting wrose. 

Week 9: Cold is gone but morning sickness is still the same. Very annoying that you can only eat a little and just burp like crazy...

Week 10: The wrose week. I pray everyday for Chirstmas break! Two staff is down already so I can't take any time off or go home early. My morning sickness peaked this week and I've been running low grade fever for a couple of nights beofre the the school ends and K wouldn't even let me leave early. Let it be Christmas already!! 

Nov 2 -- transfer day. Wasn't too nervous. The procedure was much worse than the first time though. Maybe because I was drugged the first time? It was very uncomfrotable this time. I felt everything they did and honestly I got cramps everytime I got something poked in the vagina so this time is no exception. The prolonged time didn't help either -- they didn't have it until the third try. Wha happned was that the embie kept getting sucked back into the tube/needle. Anyways it was overall very long and uncomfortable 15 minute. My legs were numb at the end. 

Day 1: Not so great. Had a pretty stressful afternoon. The kids all woke up around 1:30. It was the worst nap time ever. My ovary somehow started to cramp here and there. No sharp pain just uncomfortable and weid (what does it have to do with you Ovie?) Had a fight with Mom at night. Basically I did not take it easy at all and got myself very upset on top of that. Also Sok has been sick for a while and since he doesn't get sick often it must be something powerful (he put both his co-workers out for a couple of days). I totally forgot about it so I shared food with him on our way home. Of course my throat hurts now. 

Day 2: Ovary pain continues. It comes and goes. One uterus cramping feeling but passed pretty fast. Fucking MM figured out what I was doing and asked me if I was pregnant. Despite the urge of shouting none of your fukcing business I told her I was not, just waiting to see if my AF arrives or not. I'm happy that I'll be doing my placement and don't have to see her and talk about it when the 2ww is up. Went to Kristen's house to help with the moving and felt pretty good -- it took it off my mind. 

Day 3: Still ovary pain here and there which is very confusing since this is a natural FET cycle. Why will I still feel pain without the medication? It's not like my ovary is overstimualted! It's annoying cause everytime it happens it brings the subject back to my mind and makes me anxiuos again. At least I got the Bible. That's a good sign -- hopefully God is on my side!

Day 4: Slight cramping like the first day of my period. Sensitive nipple. Occasional ovary pain. Feel like my breasts are bigger. 

After the surgery the doctor told us we were good to go for the second round if we were ready. Cycle regulation started at the end of May and everything was pretty much the same until the Gonal-F injecction. My first appointment (4 days after the first shot) showed that my body was not responding to the drug so they increased my dosage (200 i.u to 250 i.u). I asked the nurse what caused the change since I was responding well with 200 i.u last time. She simply said that I was older now (yes I was five months older). On day 12 they decided that it was time to trigger me (Tuesday) and we had the retrieval scheduled on Thursday (31st). They got 16 follicles out of my one ovary. Out of the 16, 13 were matured and 10 were fertilized. There were enough embryos to wait until day 5, which is today for the transfer. 

Since I got a lot of eggs out, they were worried that I might develop OHSS and prescribed me Dostinex to prevent it (FAIL!! Useless Dostinex!) The first two day after the retrieval I felt very uncomfrotable. My abdonem was VERY bloated and it hurt when we drove through potholes. There were two incidents that my right thumb area suddenly went dumb for a few minutes. My appetite has been good but unfortunately I can't eat too much. My stomach simply can't take it. No nausea or throwing up and no weight gain either. The only symtom I have is this big belly and the uncomfortableness it brings. I for sure didn't expereince this much uncomfortableness last time so although other symtoms were lacking, I was worried that I might have OHSS. I expressed my concern to the nurse on Sunday but there was no clear evidence that I was retaining water so we went ahead with the appointment. 

This morning when we arrived, the first thing they did was to do a bloodwork. We then went into the recovery room and waited for our embie report card. One nurse came in shortly after to give the bloodwrok result to the nurse in charge. I wasn't sure if it was mine but she then asked me if I took fluid this morning. In my head I was like "oh-oh" that can't be good (and I was right.) 

It was for sure a shorter wait this time cause the doctor came in fairly soon to give us an update on our embies. Out of the 10 only 1 embie stopeed grwoing and died. Others kept going. We were told that 4 of them were in good shape but the other 5 might not be freezable. So despite the amount of eggs I got out, I got the same results as last time - 4 usable embies. Two of them are top quality and the other two are okay. The doc was like it's really impressive how they all keep growing and that doesn't happen a lot, but in our heads we were like blah blah blah you still only have 4 usable embryos. We were gonna put two in this time but apparently the funding restricts the number of embryos you put in according to your age. If you are under 35 you can only put one embryo in at a time. If you fail three times THEN you can put two. (Thanks a lot OHIP, I only have 4 embryos so that really doens't help at all.) We discussed about the chances of me having OHSS since my bloodwork came back thicker than they expected. The doc decided to do an ultrasound to see if there was any free fluid in my pelvic and abdomical area. 

Unfortunately there was enough fluid built up there to raise a concern so they called off the transfer. The nurse in the operation room tried to comfort me and told me her friend's successful story -- she waited for 3 months for OHSS to completely clear out and got pregnant after that. I was like Holy F it takes 3 months to get rid of this stupid thing?! I was disappointed that we had to cancel but I definitely didn't expect another 3 months wait! Waiting is all we do since I suspected that there was something wrong with me!

經過漫長的等待，昨天終於去開刀啦！因為之前醫師一直說是小手術，所以我也就天真的相信了。開完刀出來才發現沒有所謂的小手術，只要是手術都很痛啊啊啊－－－

早上九點的手術醫院要求七點就要到，我怕遲到+迷路所以六點半就到了，結果完全沒有麻煩的就找到報到的地方於是開始漫長的等待。然後沒有認真看事前準備的結果就是我以為是術前九十分鐘不能喝水，但其實是到達醫院前九十分鐘就不可以喝水了，我還咕嚕咕嚕的在醫院喝了半杯orz（可能也是之後為什麼我吐得這麼慘的原因之一...）。櫃檯小姐說大概下午一點就可以出院了所以我想還好至少老公可以來接，結果果然天算還是不如人算，搞到六點才被放走。

手術的過程當然是很成功的，唯一很痛的地方是在手上插針的時候第一針是學生插的，針在我皮膚裡戳來戳去我差點要罵髒話。好不容易她老師來指導她後終於找對位置，她就跟我說還有第二針...............幸好第二針是她老師插的動作有快一點。之後上氧氣罩三秒我就不省人事了XD

之後等麻醉退等了很～～～～～久。第一次醒來可能是一點左右，馬上倒頭回去睡，然後每次醒來都還是暈到不行，一有動作就吐。而且他們每次問我疼痛指數的時候我都說零，但是旁邊的人都報二啊三的。等到我真正有意識可以看時鐘的時候已經是三點了囧，所以要求護士打電話給小肥皂說我沒事只是麻醉一直沒退（當時不知道小肥皂已經打過好幾次電話給他們了）。三點過後可以很明顯的感覺到護士小姐們想早點打發我回家（一般人術後三小時就可以出院滾蛋了，我總共拖了八小時...），所以每次醒來都要求我下床走走看，我也不負眾望的每次都吐膽汁給他們看。這也是我此生第一次知道膽汁原來是墨綠色的而且魚腥味好重（我大姑說每個人的味道不一樣就是）。之後他們有放棄一點點（畢竟再怎麼勉強我我也都只是吐給他們看），就讓我再多睡一會。好不容易五點半左右下床的時候終於沒有吐了，於是護士小姐們很開心的急忙把我趕出去。由於超過五點小肥皂沒辦法來接我，所以護士打給他的時候他說可不可以讓他姊姊來接我，護士連名字都沒問就一口答應了= =

六點左右我大姑跟外甥到了後我們就去shoppers拿藥，結果因為他們給的buzzer壞掉所以平白又等了一個小時，我大姑很怒我在車裡等得也很痛苦（遠），到家都已經是七點多的事情了，又依序給小肥皂、阿爹阿哥阿媽打電話報平安。

Day 10 would be yesterday, Friday the 18th. I saw spotting in the afternoon. I was tearing up a bit when I was alone with Ollie but mom came soon after and I was able to get together before she showed up. K found my Endometrin (so stupid!!!!) but I don't wanna talk about her. Went home at 4 but hubby was out with Jense. I googled getting period before BETA and cried in that hour. I didn't think I would be upset enough to cry. Although I have been trying to prepare myself with this. When Sok came home I felt better but was debating if we should still go to the staff party. I dressed up and looked in the mirror. I'm skinny with a flat belly. 

Staff party was pretty shitty. N wanted to have it at the centre instead of actually going to a restaurant. At first I thought he was trying to save money but K told me that he was complaining about going over budget and stuff. Because of that I had higher expectation for this "catering xmas party". Thought that there will be servers and catering people there. But no it's just a take-out party basically. The food was pretty greasy. Sok didn't even eat that much. He was hungry when we got home and actually cooked for himself. The alcohol provided was wine, not even beers and there were two bottles of wine. We are paying 15 dollars for something we don't even drink and my husband's stomach wasn't even satisfied. Gift exchange went okay. S and I got our own presents back which is good since we spent more money than other people. some of the gifts were so crappy like a pair of socks and a DVD, like the worst!!

Mr. N thought that he was an awesome DJ and we had to go down to dance to show our support. So a bunch of preschool teachers were dancing silly like preschoolers cause obviously we don't do clubbing and has no skills in this genre. We had to wait for so long for the first one to leave and then a short wait to join them. It was not fun at all to me. Wasting my time not to mention that I wasn't in the mood to do socializing and dancing. 

Back gets sore easily. Occasional breast tenderness (they are shrinking back to my normal size though). Started to fall asleep watching TV after work but I mean that's quite common. Hadn't pooped for three days and finally did. God it was huge. I'm sorry it's yucky but I clogged the toilet. Yuck!!!!

Almost there! Four more days to go!!! ...and another morning's wait. 

明天就要滿一星期啦！！前兩天還有那種月經快來的感覺（下腹脹痛+便便），今天已經是啥都沒有了....orz。其實我覺得我應該是沒有中...哭哭。昨天跟今早還覺得胸部好像變大了，現在完全沒這感覺orz。最明顯的成功症狀（著床出血）有完全沒有...

唉唉唉唉唉唉唉。

沒啥要報備的。但是google了Endometrin的副作用後發現很多人所說的所謂"早期症狀"根本都是這個藥的常見副作用= =。所以覺得今天有想開一點不那麼在意了哈哈。

耳朵塞有回來個幾秒，肚子還是不太舒服但是食慾還是很好（死）

日子慢慢爬～

第二天，早上一起來耳朵感覺在飛機上一樣堵住的感覺， 一直持續到我開始忙起來，大概九點左右。之後一路忙到離開圖書館的路上肚子下方有點痛但一下就没了。
基本上右側也痛過左側也痛過，我原本猜是卵巢努力回復中但是左邊明明什麼都沒有是在跟人家湊什麼熱鬧= =。晚上帶Jense出去噓噓的時候下腹痛痛的但是也不久。還要等好久喔嗚嗚日子真難熬，而且容易想很多。今天便便的時候就想肯定沒成功不然應該會便秘（說真的網路上還真的有一票人這麼早就有此症狀了）...時間趕快過吧！！！！！
其實很後悔答應E要去圖書館，被交代要放輕鬆不要提重物，但是四人座娃娃車推起來很痛苦，跟J換抱AO走反而更累。重點是到了圖書館後也沒什麼機會跟E講話，她聽完故事就帶著小朋友閃人了orz，原本還想告訴她的嘖嘖。今天一整天肚子都不舒服，原本在植入前已經好多了結果今天又掛掉...覺得是因為我昨天晚上不聽話明明就應該空腹吃thyroid但是babysit完後肚子好餓所以還是吃了東西，早上起來就遭到報應囧。這兩天一直超想喝湯的，可能因為身體也習慣多喝水所以不喝就口渴。硬拗小肥皂做湯給我喝，明天就可以喝到了呵呵呵呵呵呵

今天就是那個大日子啦！！診所依舊很忙，應該是十點的手術(?)但是拖到十點半才做。我們很乖地九點就到了，等啊等啊等地我們望穿秋水，重點是膀胱快爆炸了醫生還不出現很痛苦啊！！！坐了半個小時後醫生先跟我們講胚胎的狀況，我那四顆在Day 3都發展良好的受精卵們都存活到第五天，只有其中一顆烏龜慢爬狀況不好所以應該沒辦法冷凍，其他三顆都還不錯，一顆B5-BB，另外兩顆B4-BB。質量普通然後一顆發展地比較快。雖然我有輸卵管積水液地問題但是他們在取卵的時候抽掉了，所以醫生覺得我懷孕的機率應該不錯（必須要說還好這次不是猶太老頭...）。我還是很擔心液體的問題但是醫生說服我們如果子宮環境不好的話你更不想放兩顆胚胎進去，萬一真的不行不是浪費兩顆胚胎？還不如只放一顆然後如果不成功再跟醫生討論之後是不是要夾輸卵管。我們想想也是，所以就同意只放一顆。

這次沒有麻醉也不會不舒服，實際過程很短，主要都是在等醫生而已orz。做完後他們印出一張embie進子宮的照片ㄌ留作紀念XD。休息十五分鐘後就啟程回家，但是我沒吃早餐實在很餓所以拗小肥皂出去吃飯，去大統華點了酸辣蝦湯麵還滿失望的orz。整個下午基本上就是看電視休息。等小肥皂帶Jense出去散步的時候我跑去洗澡......笨蛋阿呆我，想說不泡澡應該沒關係，晚上google才發現只要是溫暖潮溼的活動都應該避免囧。親愛的embie我對不起你！！！

因為上禮拜就答應了要幫忙看小孩所以晚上還工作了（死），再次違反要好好休息的鐵律，我有跟小朋友跑來跑去（懺悔）。然後可能因為晚餐吃得不多的關係（中午吃得晚而且很飽），所以小朋友們睡著後我就餓了囧，右腹下方也有點痛，但是應該不是著床的關係，應該是我可憐的卵巢在努力復原中。

八月真是勤奮的一個月啊XD 幾個月前就決定了八月度假要去瀑布（導致小肥皂辭職失業orz），總之經過了漫長的尋找旅館及等待後，終於到了要去瀑布的日子啦！！！ 從渥太華開車到瀑布大概是五個半到六個小時，我有問小肥皂要不要讓我開結果他說他不想心臟病發所以一人獨撐（聳肩）。這不是我們兩個人第一次共同出遊但是絕對是目標完全不同的一次。之前去的都是resort，基本上每天就是海灘游泳吃東西喝酒，有個那麼一兩天跟著巴士去景點觀光不過也就這樣了。這次是我規劃行程小肥皂開車，一個想衝衝衝把所有可以看完的東西都看完，一個想放鬆休息不想人擠人，所以第一天是小肥皂因為前一天晚上玩足球腳受傷+睡眠不足（睡不著覺）+長時間開車，所以到了之後就跟死了一樣，完全不想做任何事。第二天是我因為小肥皂熊熊睡到快十點（本人七點就起床了，皂同學喊累喊了一整天結果還是給我12點才睡），自己一個人卡在旅館超級無聊所以很不爽。經過兩天的溝通協調後，第三天終於兩個人都心情愉快但是也準備回家（死）。以後跟小肥皂出去玩千萬不能去熱門觀光景點是這次旅行的重要結論！ Day 1 早上七點多起床，把Jensen帶到我公婆家寄宿順便借GPS後正式出發！（大概是九點），中間只停了一次但是經過多倫多的時候交通有點差（說實在高速公路上完全停住的這在渥太華除非有事故還真是不會發生）而且很詭異，常常有開著開著突然就停了，然後又開始前進（但是不是那種蝸牛爬），然後又突然停了，無限循環。大概到了脫離Hamilton之後才恢復正常（期間有下一點雨）。